Tuesday, July 29, 2003

just reached home.. haha..was sweating lyk
mad cow.. yepz..

anw.. ermz.. todae.. mum placed e aaw form
downstairs.. den sae i lost it 4 her.. den went
to skl.. morning was bad-mooding.. was thinking
why i was angry wif tt krystle lau.. den decided
to not ged angry wif her coz i cant think of ani
reason.. so yar.. den she showed me her star..
yepz.. i was fuming lorz... so i kinda got angry
wif her for real.. i mean nobody does it for fun lorz...
yepz..

den todae mass run.. me and judy was playing the
"take ur time to run game.." yepz.. keep asking ppl
to join in.. but bet they think it is freaking lame.. yupz..

maths.. teacher have sore throat.. sae cannot tok..
in the end still tok.. den PE.. ran 2.4 again.. e 4th
time lorz.. sighz..ran lyk "mad" but i jogged VERI
slowly twice...haha.. i so lan.. nvm.. den recess
donno wad happen.. was late for maths by 10-15 mins..
but e teacher also late mahz.. so i'm counted early=)
den science gotta stand in class coz everybody was veri noisy..

after science.. it was amc.. sem was lyk u can lift e last few
question blank to ged 30 marks.. haha.. but i lift out 8
questions=) finished at 2.. coz i lazy to do e rest.. so i started
writing ht's letter.. it took me 20 long lonng mins lorz.. haha..
grace was drawing.. qx donno do wad.. judy read bk.. haha..

after skl.. arnd 2:45 we took lunch den went to dance at
arnd 330.. during lunch was darn funny lorz.. karen was
acting lyk mei nu.. yupz.. so farnie.. made me laugh till i
cannot eat lerz.. hahahaha..watever.. e skit ppl was being
[f]ing.. somehow plae on us.. stupid lorz.. sae combine
yesterdae we agree.. den todae tell us donnit to combine..
yar.. so interesting lorz.. if dont combine then e dance will
be todae at 3 leh.. stupid.. i got to lyk tell them off then dey
agree.. stupid ppl.. danced till 530.. went to 1G3.. created
havok there.. then we go home..

walked home from opposite serene centre.. haha.. gd
exercise=) sighz.. donno whats wrong with me now='(
got a feeling i'm gonna start thinking bout things.. i either
go mad.. or depressed=(

there are many loopholes around here; 7/29/2003 06:54:00 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2003

woke up at 8.. sat on the bed.. started to cry..
thought of lots of things.. cried even more..
den dad unlock my rm door.. so i pretended to
slp.. den went to macs at arnd 10.. den tuition..
er.. dad drove me and mum arnd to look at hse's..
den i went to qx's hse.. got lost coz i forgot how
to go dere.. and i keep telling dad the wrong wae..
can tell he was quite pissed off.. reached qx's hse..
started lazing arnd.. think she's quite angry.. ermz..
didn't go church wif her coz her sis need to go
jakarta and she nv finish her hmwk..so i was all excited
yesterdae for nothing.. yar.. left her hse at arnd 555..
den went for dinner.. cousins at my hse now watching
mr bean.. yar.. listening to maid in manhattan.. reminds
me of lotsa things.. break down again.. thought of how
nice she was to go out in e nite after trainning on e 6th..
yepz.. nvm.. dis song makes me cry all the time.. sighz..
feeling damn hopeless/useless now.. i dont ven noe how
to console ppl at all *sobz*

there are many loopholes around here; 7/27/2003 09:27:00 PM

Friday, July 25, 2003

anw.. went to OLD skl.. got lock out.. security
dont let me in..so fatty tan came out.. trying to
be reasonable.. sae tt i used to loiter arnd the skl
[when i didn't at all] blah.. i mean hor.. if miss tan
e principle see me yesterdae but nv scold me means
i'm allowed to enter ritez? so fine lorz..

den nobody tell me must go g.o wad.. so i didn't and
got scolded by fatty..

after tt.. followed kel to language rm3.. met ms adlina..
as usual.. she is so nice den ever=) she totally rock=)
she didn't sae i cannot go to 6th level's dance studion/
music rm.. so i went up.. wasn't in gd mood at all.. things
started happenning..

C class were unhappi wif e D class.. so i was annoyed with
them.. i left e rm.. went to meet shiping,sandra,terry and
tess at e staff rm.. met ms adlina again.. toked to miss ho
for less than 2 mins..

went to e 6th level again.. kel was crying.. donno how to
comfort her.. den C class realli pissed me off.. den i shouted
at them.. alreadi fuming.. den C class still not happi wif D
class.. so i went nxt door to ask why they sitting in a circle
instead of doing wat they must do since they complain so
much.. den after dat.. beck told me tat she could settle problems..
trying to make me feel hopeless and helpless.. at tat time i was
really bad-mooding.. den i shouted at becky..sorry dear

then they finally tell me tat lizzy broke e mirror at e studio.. she
started blaming me.. den she go find fatty tan.. tell fatty tat she
broke e mirror.. wow.. trying to be honest.. den she suppose to
write report abt how she break e mirror.. and she kept saying tat
I WAS e one whu caused her to do it.. so i got fad-up.. den fatty
scolded me till i cried.. i was freaking upset and blamed for no
reason.. den she sae i must see OM.. fine lah! everything my fault!
den after i explain things to fatty.. she sae i doing the correct thing..
wa lao.. stupid asshole.. hope her ass blows up manz.. sighz.. see
OM again leh.. last yr break wall.. see OM enough lerz.. now ..AGAIN...
i am NEVER gg back dere animore unless i need to=( -sobz-
everything is my fault!

there are many loopholes around here; 7/25/2003 07:25:00 PM

todae is seriously not my dae...i feel so hopeless..
so useless...i mean..she was lyk depress in e morning..
and i dont even ged a chance to be dere for her..i dont
even noe wat to sae...i mean... i realli want to be dere
for jie..but i donno how to... i am totally useless..i donno
wad to do.. i am the worse sister ever.. i'm not even doing
my part as a mei.. i feel so helpless.. sighz.. i was lyk going
to cry in class alreadi.. but i dont dare.. later got lotsa
question... on my wae to rg.. started crying.. ppl tot i siao..
but i dont care.. well.. yea.. our dance not complete yet..
den we bk aud 1 dae b4 e skit ppl.. ermz.. 1st come 1st serve =)..
but e prob is we haven't settle aniting other than e song.. we using
lizzie mcguire's [what dreams are made of].. yepz.. ok.. dying lerz..

there are many loopholes around here; 7/25/2003 06:58:00 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2003

sighz.. this totally suck..todae..
they played the [dao sp] game in class...
coz they want to let me rot and die..
i REALLY appreciate it lorz.. wow.. i shld be touched..
den was feeling down down down during recess..
had been quiet MOST of e time...
tomoro have lit test.. sure die 1..
and hor.. our class dance.. we haven't even settle on a song..
and we haven't thought of a freaking step yet,
when e aud is lyk 29/7.. yepz.. i am freaking useless!!!!

mum and dad were somehow screaming at me coz i disturb
them frm their lovely[puke] dream.. and tt i never do my part
as a sister when my sis is gone.. ok.. fine! EVERYTHING is my fault!

there are many loopholes around here; 7/24/2003 10:41:00 PM

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

What is my problem
I can't figure out
Why I'm depressed
What's this about?

I'm always sad
I have not a reason
It's too hard to explain
Could this be reason?

It could be worse
I've heard that enough
But I just cannot help it
I'm not al that tough

I've fallen in a hole
That is much too deep
I wish I was out
Of this sad, lonely sleep

Painful temptations
Take over my mind
The help that I want
Is not hard to find

The help that I need
I know not the cure
It doesn't matter now
The rest is a blur

If you don't understand
Please never try
This painful routine
it never dies.

there are many loopholes around here; 7/22/2003 09:11:00 PM

dEpReSsiOn
depression causes fears
depression causes tears
nothing hurts more
than emotional pain
this is something
that will never go away
it can never be healed
depression tears you up inside
not ever giving you
a place to hide
and all you can do
is just live with it
and try to bare it
depression causes confusion
depression causes hate
you begin to hate yourself
and all the pain that
is kept inside
the confusion hurts
the depression hurts
I hurt

there are many loopholes around here; 7/22/2003 08:55:00 PM

Monday, July 21, 2003

came home abt 7.. yepz.. todae.. donno wad happen quite neutral.. watched lizzie mcguire after skl wif yj.. was having bad tummy ache.. but didnt want to sae it out=(.. yepz.. still ate junk food.. tomoro donno how to survive.. PE!!. sighz.. anw.. uncle is here to bai chi again.. sighz.. ok.. my life is miserable.. will be back later=) byez.. =)

there are many loopholes around here; 7/21/2003 07:44:00 PM

Sunday, July 20, 2003

There is a love down in my soul.
Where faith and trust I do hold.
Love that will stand forever more.
That's what sisters were made for.
the love we share is still the best.
My sister I do love you true
My thoughts often travel back to you

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 10:15:00 PM

i want to
tell her how i feel..
let her noe wad's happening to me
tell her wad i am..
let her noe dat i'm not worth for her to care..
tell her all my problems..
.................................
and now.. itx all over.. we're far far apart..
lyk she's on e other side of earth or something..
sighz.. all dis cant be fulfilled animore..
i'm just a nobody.. just a piece of shit..
just somebody picked up from the rubbish bin..
who noes.. me, being born is a sin.. a big one.. [sobz]

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 09:36:00 PM

sighz.. welll.. everybody hates me.. i suck..
i'm annoying..i am donno wad..i totally hate
myself.. i want to die and rot in hellll....... tomoro
shall be a depressing dae.. And it WILL.. maebe..

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 09:17:00 PM

Another Day
And weeks gone past
With no cure for all my pain

Endlessly
I drift through all
Numb inside my brain

Razor blades
Relieve the stress
The pressure has built up

It helps me deal
But never stays
With my mind that is corrupt

Understand
I am alive
Though dead I seem outside

My mind is yearning
For me to stop
But I just cannot oblige

I feel as if I'm lost inside
Caged with all my doubts
Buried under pressured thoughts
I've wandered off my route

Is this all that I can feel
I felt this way so long
I wonder if I'll ever change
My lack of will is strong

I end this now
Without a hope
Should I give in once again

Even though these thoughts don't end
My blood reveals my pain.

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 05:39:00 PM

siLeNcE

Blissful Silence
Calms the air
Those Silent Screams
Too much to bear

Numbness rules
Pain drifts away
Anger and sadness
Have gone out of play

Enjoy it now
For it won't be long
That you will remember
Your painful life song

Watch the life
Inside you drip
Calming and soothing
To finish this trip

When it retures
Just close your eyes
And brace yourself
In a world full of lies.

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 05:35:00 PM

todae.. was quite i donno lah.. ermz.. morning went to stc funfair.. did e hena..[damn it stinks].. den went to twn to meet the 2 [f]ers.. yepz.. anw.. yar.. i'm bored.. and bad-mooding.. sighz..

the both of em.. husband and wife.. are my dad's bro and sis in law.. yap.. they are practically controling my [f]ing life while my parents are gone.. how [f] can they ged!! arghhh!!! [f] [f] [f]@!!!

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 05:33:00 PM

mY LiFe
Light turns to gray
Darkness returns
Peace calms the air
What have I learned?
--
Another day gone
Nothing is right
For I've not accomplished
Lifes confused plight
--
What do I mean
For what do I stand
I don't want to wander
Alone on this land
--
Confused and unclear
I sit under night skies
My mind blisters and burns
To unwind all these lies
--
Another day I'll drift
On and on in my life
One day I'll end
Uncomplete in my strife.

there are many loopholes around here; 7/20/2003 05:28:00 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2003

[ ___ and ::: stands for jie.. if itx her.. i'll just put [her]

haha.. todae was surkie..=) in e morning lah!! ahaha...
realli lorz=)
~~MORNING~~
anw.. woke up at arnd 6:45.. found out it was raining..
hav LOTSA lightning too=) took a cab to skl=) cost me
abt $8.. so EX k..=(.. den during oral.. my voice suddenly
dieded=| ahha.. gotta take DEEP breath b4 i continue to
tok..=) haha.. den after dat.. went to take thing for JL..
den took a cab home.. cost me abt $7.. yepz.. den rushed
lyk i'm late when i'm not.. ponned piano.. told e teacher tt i
gg for e NDP when i gg for something else..=)
~~AFTERNOON~~
reached town.. went to top-up ez-link card.. den went to taka..
bought 2 edison poster.. went to wisma to take lunch.. den
went to e hallmark to buy e pig chain for me hp.. den back to
taka to ged me piano bks.. went to kino.. bought 2 stuff.. den
went to somerset to wait for carolyn :::.. waited for her lyk hours..
den went to hmv to buy e pan wei bo cd.. den go to J8.. we were
dere lyk 1 something so early k.. e auto start at lyk 4:30.. walked
arnd.. tok lots..=).. den sat dere.. read bks=)
~~EVENING~~
waited for pan wei bo till lyk 5pm.. he was FINALLY here=)=)=)=)
ahhaa.. he so SHUAI!!!! hahahaha PAN WEI BO RAWKS!!!!
HIS SMILE RAKWS CAN... hahaha.. yepz.. den we squeezed
our wae into e queue.. haha.. so fun=) he grabed :::'s hand and mine
lorz=) ahaha.. shuai dai lerz =) he rawks!!! ahhahaa.. anw.. sent ::: to
e mrt.. den went to meet auntie.. ate at orange julius[i tink spell lyk that]..
yumz..!!!! ahhaha.. den came home=)

there are many loopholes around here; 7/19/2003 07:21:00 PM

Friday, July 18, 2003

hello.. so ermz...tired/depressed/happi/sad.. yar...
**morning**
woke up at 7 am.. changed to school uniform.. den took my blardie time to walk down.. took hell long to eat my breakfast..everybody was blowing me to hurry up coz shuming's flight is at 9:30..i mean theres lotsa time.. why hurry=) ermz.. went to e airport todae.. ming keep asking me to tug in my blouse.. dad keep saying i am representing my skl.. and i told him i representing e skl to send ming to perth..haha.. i was being stupidly lame..=) went to bk for breakfast.. mum was confusing e lady.. too cute lerz =\.. had 1 swiss mushroom burger.. one of e crossiant thingie.. 1 cup of tea and orange juice=) den sis's friend came.. yar.. den uncle sent feixin to skl for softball.. went home to change the car.. den fetched auntie to s.p for her lecture.. den me to skl.. i shouldn't go to skl lorz.. qx jiang de dui=( cuz i suck.. and ppl dowan to see my *beeping* face=)
missed chinese.. lao shi tot i was absent.. they had bai ban ting xie.. gd ting i wasn't dere.. coz she CONFIRM call me 1.. den missed 1 3/4 lesson of english.. den it was recess=)everything totally suck..
**afternoon**
e maths teacher really cannot see at all=) i was reading e magazine on e table.. with onlie 1 piece of paper on the table..yar.. and through out e whole 2 lessons.. she didn't noe=) after skl.. went to 2s2.. waited for denise and yujia tilllyk 2:30.. den they dowan to go animore.. as in ANIMORE='( went to rg to plae bball.. instead got lectured by mrs lim and laO shi told me to buy her stuff coz feixin sae got no money.. so fine lorz.. den was playing bball.. played 1 on 1 with becky.. den wanted to do free throws.. so i can break becky's record of 73 free throws in a row.. yepz..=) was getting real bored.. so becky started to tie lyanne's shoelace.. which kinda gave all[?!] of us an idea.. so we tied ALL our shoelaces together.. i was in e middle lorz.. i got to take small fast steps.. and i suffered coz they walk big big steps=\ haha.. anw.. we tried to shoot with our legs tied.. so all of us kinda jump together when each of us starts to shoot.. veh fun=)
**night**
came home abt 6++ den on e computer.. it was mad just now.. now its ok.. but i needa bathe.. had dinner just now.. watched tv.. played wif auntie's phone.. broke all her high scores=) well.. gonna go bathe now.. then i go watch tWiNs EfFeCt now=) hav a nice dae=)

there are many loopholes around here; 7/18/2003 07:46:00 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

hello.. having cs now.. haha.. -lame- later hav cip lorz..nvm.. i dont care.. anw.. grp damn guai now.. doing work.. i was writing letter lorz.. haha.. now online-duh!- hahaha.. saw e twins effect vcd yesterdae.. donno whether itx illusion or not.. but no time to stop and see cuz e bus come lerz.. and i was rushing.. went to ikea yesterdae to ged myself a big fat heart and 4 stuffs for 3 ppl..=) hahaha.. ok.. i gtg lerz.. dey angry liaoz...

there are many loopholes around here; 7/15/2003 11:42:00 AM

Saturday, July 12, 2003

there are many loopholes around here; 7/12/2003 08:37:00 PM

todae had trng..
den went to town..
den went to meet jie at macs..
went to down to cine to ged jie's friend prezzie
went to heeren..
got a free drink...
den went home..

there are many loopholes around here; 7/12/2003 08:00:00 PM

Can you please tell me
Will this ever end
I don't see the light
That comes from within

Why do I go
On and on with each day
There's no motivation
For me to display

This endless routine
Everyday is the same
What do I think
Who do I blame

This horrible sadness
I know not where it comes
Explaining is hard
Thoughts make me numb

What do I do
Just sit here and wait
For death to arrive
And take me away?

I don't have a choice
So I'll go along
Though this sadness in me
Keeps singing its song

This life is so short
But long all the same
One day I'll overcome
This freaking depression

there are many loopholes around here; 7/12/2003 07:57:00 PM

Friday, July 11, 2003

am i dat freaking? why do i suck to the core?
why is life always so depressing? why do the
freaking past juz drift into my mind when they
feel lyk it? why do ppl juz accuse other ppl without
thinking? why is the government a freak? why??!!!?
why does life gotta be dis wae? why does ppl think
i can't be trusted when i've kept my word?! ok.. apart
frm ___.. maebe itx juz me... yeap.. juz me... dere's lotsa
Question i can't solve.. why do ppl juz try to be nice when
their nt..they totally don't mean it lorz.. sighz..

there are many loopholes around here; 7/11/2003 09:15:00 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

there are many loopholes around here; 7/08/2003 07:37:00 PM

haha.. now publishing e web..
sighz.. came home lyk 10 mins ago..
went for e race juz now.. didn't even
scream at all lorz..boring.. was falling
into depression.. trying to ged some1
to hug me.. haha.. donno wad i was
doing..but lotsa ppl juz dao..=| sighz..
had dis long talk frm sir.. den had trng..
but needa come home.. so didn't stay 4
trng.. felling guilty now... tomoro will be
veh screwed.. have netball frm 2:30 to 3:30
gonna miss juniors bball match.. important
1 lorz.. they loose they die..[they cannot
continue playing] sighz..GD LUCK GALS.. BETTER
WIN ARHZ..
so ya..=( haix..gonna cry now..
donno wad to do.. so mao dun.. so depressing..
sighz..=(

there are many loopholes around here; 7/08/2003 07:20:00 PM

haha.. edison so shuai in tt show can..
the shuaiest of all!!!=) twinseffect is a must watch=)
watch 10 thousand time also can=) hahaha...
i gonna watch it... FINALLY!! =)having cs now.. kks.. gtg..
donnoe wad to do=)
the twins effect

there are many loopholes around here; 7/08/2003 11:47:00 AM

Saturday, July 05, 2003

todae was tiring.. as in *yawn*
had trng todae.. conned dad $10..
he realised but don't care..
.....................................................................
after trng went town wif athiya, yh,
lynette and rb.. ate at Lj.. was making
alot of sound cuz i donno wad me t'cher's
name is.. and cuz i ask e lady
me: may i speak to my teacher
lady: whu is ur t'cher
me: er i donno..
lady: do u hav a teacher or not?
me: yes!
den after tt i called e other centre (they hav 2)
me: may i noe hu my t'cher is?
lady:are u a new or old student..
me: huh? i'm nt old.. i'm young...
lady: nono.. i mean is todae ur first time?
me: huh? first time? wad do u mean?
lady: as in ur lesson..
me: no.. itx nt..
lady:wads ur name?
me: i donno..
lady: huh? u donno ur name?
me: oh.. kwan shuping..
lady.. ermz.. zhu pi u wait. arhz..
den she put dwn e phone on me... itx damn
lame can...
.....................................................................
anw.. after eating.. walked arnd wif yh
and athiya.. den went to find my sister...
ponned piano todae.. was quite fun yea...
no scoldings=)
.....................................................................
den went to find mum at cold storage..
met yt,jie and eudora.. den begged my mum
to let me go heeren.. met my sis and miss lynn
kong together.. tried to run but sis don't let...
den went to cine to look at more nike socks..
i got 1 of em =) den went back to take to ged
coffee bean AGAIN.. den went home.. was quit
depressed.. after mum let me off.. as in realli...
was quite dao though...sighz~ lyk wad the shit
lorz..=\
..........................................................................
got dental on mon.. eye recovering.. voice
beginning to fade.. totally can't speak..=\ kks.. gtg..

there are many loopholes around here; 7/05/2003 08:20:00 PM

Friday, July 04, 2003

sigh sigh.. todae was darn =diao= can...
urghh.. was damn bad-mooding.. or was it
depressed?!? aiya.. i donno lah..
................................................................
in e morning i still can lorz.. till lyk chinese
tt time was hot lyk wadever shit.. den hada
rush through summary during english coz i
didn't do it.. but gd thing i got grace to pei wo..=)
thanks grace=)
.................................................................
anw.. at first..we were cheering lyk siao coz
we gonna follow e sunny dae timetable... butz..
it started to rain at abt 9:30.. ya.. so i was quite
diaoed by e weather..
..................................................................
den we played dis fortune-telling game in class..
laugh lyk donno wad.. den semmy gotta tell us to
shut up..ya.. at tt time i was opening a fortune-telling
shop... it was dis paper game lah...dere is lyk:
-ur crushes name
-husband's name
-hse
-car
-no. of children
-amt of salary
-fav pant
-occupation
-degree
-no. of times u ged married
-sec skl ur children go..
and guess wad i got.. i got lyk e worse in e universe
can..=ermz.. let me see...
* i think i got tarzan
*ricky[gd thing didn't ged ayesha..-phew-]
*zoo
*scooter
*100 [i'm a pig]
*$9,999[$1 less than milu=)]
*red
*pole-dancer[(?!) oh tian!]
*nothing
*new town
haha.. wad a joke!=
den it was e concert.. it was ermz.. donno how ta sae..
but.. it is definately nt nicer than crescentian dae de..
dat 1 was kewlwer=)
..................................................................
went to cck after dat.. ate at long john den went
to ged coffee bean=) haha.. how piggy can i ged lorz..
den went to e stadium.. met kim & fel dere..=) kindA
walked big circle juz to tok to em=)hehe~ mood was
ok.. was quite happi to see em..
..................................................................
den during e race..i screamed lyk donno wad.. kinda
lost my voice=)oh ya.. jw was farnie lyk a donno wad..
coz we were lyk "1 pause 2 pause 3 den we shout go[their name]"..
den jw was lyk 123 [shout] 123[shout] it was darn
farnie can.. laughed lyk donno wadever shit can...
so hao xiao...den sat on e bench out side wif jie..
was trying to tie her shoe lace...so farnie can... hahaha..
she keep saying too tight.. haha.. nvm.. at least i learn
someting.. den we walk.. den we sit....
..................................................................
after dat donno wad happen..=| anw.. i was trying to
tie kisha's shoe lace=) haha.. i tie until so nan kan..
and she don't let me do a nicer 1=) ahha.. nvm.. now i
totally no voice.. i tink...
...................................................................
e thing ended at donno wad time.. 6 something i tink..
den was walk~g slowly till it started to rain heavier
and heavier.. i was fully drenched... took e MRT wif denise..=)
ahha.. was sharing stuff wif each other=) quite fun=)took e
bus to j.e.. den took e wrong train to boon lay... gotta take e
train back to clementi.. den on my wae home was freezing
lyk donno wad.. lyk i in some cold2 countries...=| brr....
....................................................................
anw.. i tink write too much lerz.. onlie can blog lyk once
a week coz tt guy onlie let me online lyk 1s a wk..ya..
haha.. listening to wad a girl wants now.. itx damn kewl
can..=) was dancing to [i wanna be bad] lyk a donno wad..
=) till my mum came in call me siao ca bor=) haha.. kks..
gtg.. muackx*

there are many loopholes around here; 7/04/2003 10:35:00 PM