Thursday, November 27, 2003
there are many loopholes around here; 11/27/2003 06:35:00 PM
wednesday
there are many loopholes around here; 11/27/2003 05:56:00 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
hmm.. still love that song.. trying to get it on my blog.. but donno how to.. hmm.. have camp later at 8. reaching school bout 7++. yup. not in the mood to blog. im like dead tired and i havent pack my bag yet. cant find my bag k. gotta take this damn huge billabong bag=\.. nvm.. can stuff my dirty clothes inside(:-winks-.. hmm.. lots of things happening this few days.. trying to forget whatever.whoever. yup. hmm. erm.. big sister came back(: going back at the end of feb. before my bdae. sad huh. hmm.. sigh.. nvm. my life.gone case. there are many loopholes around here; 11/26/2003 01:00:00 AM
Friday, November 21, 2003
there are many loopholes around here; 11/21/2003 10:35:00 PM
morning. went to meet delia.krystle.genevieve.may.suhong and yong xin. ate at burger king. then me genevieve and krystle went to look for ribbon.. bought this leather string thing for the 7 of us + huifang and hannah(: 3 bucks for 9. quite cheap. then me and delian started changing the shoelaces.. went to buy another 1. went to rgs at 130. reached there. e both of us tied the other shoelace at the bus stop.. hmm.. ,match was ok.. quite screwed la.. but still (: yup. there are many loopholes around here; 11/21/2003 10:31:00 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2003
there are many loopholes around here; 11/20/2003 11:17:00 PM
today.. erts k.. erm.. trng(: ting* donno la... quite screwed.. all of us like lost confidence le.. tomoro have rgs match.. diedie.. hmm.. sec2s taking back their results.. yup..[ all e best (:-hugs- ] erm.. watched the aus vs nzL match again.. as usual.. it was still damn cool(: yup.. erm.. after that went town at 115 with lee to meet ethel and yilin.. tot we were late.. but they were late instead(: erm.. den went to buy tix.. e 3 of em went to get some 60c tix thing but found out it was only for cinema 9.. yup.. hmm.. started crying.. donno why.. erm.. den bought tix to watch gnihsiw sriats.. yup.. we were all freaked out.. way before the show started k.. =\.. er.. ate yoshi.. met debbie.. den went to watch. hmm.. cried and msg during the show cos i was freaked out? and sad/depress. yup.. den after show sent lee to jE.. den went home.. kept counting.. but haha.. heng(: hmm.. missed 2 156 buses=\.. sigh.. kk.. tata.
there are many loopholes around here; 11/20/2003 11:14:00 PM
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
there are many loopholes around here; 11/19/2003 10:05:00 PM
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
reached school around. june went for cip at 1230. rotted alone. erm.. went town at 3. its joanna's birthday.. happybirthday(: erm.. ate at yoshi.. walked around with june.. then went to meet them.. then erm... was about to cry and was falling.. so walked away.. ya.. erm.. went back they wanted to take neoprint.. erm.. i went home 1st..ya.. so didnt take yup.. there are many loopholes around here; 11/18/2003 11:00:00 PM
Sunday, November 16, 2003
hmm.. didnt go for the games day thingie..sigh.. erm.. had tuition.. then walked to serene centre from newton there.. good exercise(: er.. studied from 230++ till 6 ++. sian k.. =\.. hmm.. then angie evelyn carolyn and mrs low came then i went for dinner.. kk.. bye. there are many loopholes around here; 11/16/2003 11:00:00 PM
Saturday, November 15, 2003
hmm.. went to school. no intention of trng. but sir says everytime i come to school got to trng.. so now im thinking lor.. whether should i go to school everyday?.. hmm... nvm.. erm.. trained with judy and yunheng -winks-.. hmm.. then rotted.. waited for lee's band to end.. then send her to the bus stop. went to town. then went for service. donno why cry.. but.. ya.. hmm.. took bus home.. reached home 7++.. got sent to hell.. locked in my chamber now.. bitch la.. sigh.. nvm.. there are many loopholes around here; 11/15/2003 09:29:00 PM
Friday, November 14, 2003
hmm..today..went to skl at 8.. peied jie till 9..waited for mrs low to come.. trained. then went to netball court to rot alone. played basketball with mrs low..then rotted again.. walked around.. mrs low seriously donno what to do k.. walk so much.. then sat down.. rotted till trng sart.. trng was ok.. ya.. waited for jies mum to come then went home. alone yup. my mum seriously have a big problem..she wants to use her heels to whack me.. i mean.. whack la.. nobody told u to chase after me just because you drowve away rite.. nvm... they claims that its my fault.. then my fault la.. sae lor.. there are many loopholes around here; 11/14/2003 07:09:00 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2003
had trng at 9. was at dover mrt station at 750++ then missed about 6 trains.. erm.. trng was ok.. ya.. den after trng.. ran 15 rounds corridor and 10 sprints. yup.. went of to town with ethel. met yilin then went home together. yilin lost her hp. so we were in the mrt station since 443pm to 7++pm. yup.. at first couldnt get out.. but yuani helped me(:
there are many loopholes around here; 11/13/2003 09:25:00 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
yay! sister is not gonna be home till friday(: muahahaha.. serve her right.. lalala.. ok.. im scared of the dark.. hmm.. i love to stare at the pond.. yup.. today ar.. went to skl.. alone most of the time.. sigh then was late for tuition.. tomoro have to run 20 rounds.. gdgd(: ok.. im siao.im stupid. what do you expect from me?!
there are many loopholes around here; 11/12/2003 08:43:00 PM
Monday, November 10, 2003
today.nothing.woke up late.some smart person blocked my sim card. spend millions of hours trying to unblouck.rushed to skl. rotted. cried. trng at 2.ended at 5.went home by train. took to boonlay..to jurongeast.. to marinabay.. to changi.. to boonlay.. to newton. sat at 1 corner..started reading e book yj gave me.. started crying.. took a bus home.. missed my stop.. took all the way to some unknown place quite far.. took a bus back.. reached home bout 920 something.. got scolded by parents.. nothing much.. the oh-so-smart-person gave me hell.. i mean.. im stupid what. fcukingly stupid till you can just stick your ass right in front of my eyes without me knowing what.nvm. today is crying day.just cant stop crying. guess im fated to cry day by day. sigh.
there are many loopholes around here; 11/10/2003 10:08:00 PM
Sunday, November 09, 2003
[holidays=2 months=61 days to think]
there are many loopholes around here; 11/09/2003 02:57:00 PM
Saturday, November 08, 2003
there are many loopholes around here; 11/08/2003 08:29:00 PM
Friday, November 07, 2003
woke up at 7 something. then found out parents cant fetch me to school.. so i decided to go there myself.. but i fell asleep again.. woke up at 10?!yup.. suppose to meet lee in skl at 10 k.. sorry.. erm.. took cab there.. reached like 1030.. very early k..(: hehx.. anw.. was lke quiet the whole morning.. den went town.. suddenly so mad and hyper.. cant stand it.. hehx.. went to heeren then to ps to help hb find present. yup.. shopped till 430 something.. peied hb take train.. wanted to take till clementi.. but say she wanna shop at metro.. so decided to send hb to boonlay then take mrt back to town.. im like having MRT-phobia k.. sigh.. nvm.. then took train to clementi..cos sis sprained her ankle. cant go metro le |: i wonder how people sprain de lor.. i want to oso cannot ..HAIZ..
there are many loopholes around here; 11/07/2003 08:08:00 PM
Thursday, November 06, 2003
heyhey..back from chalet(: yup.. hmm...chalet was greatgreat.lonely(;hmm.. who went? er.. karen. carrie. qixin. xingtong. weelin. leticia. grace. rebecca. judy. xinyuan. bernice. yujia. carolyn. madeleine. sis. ya.. i think like that only la.. let see..
there are many loopholes around here; 11/06/2003 10:44:00 PM
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
yesterdae was blardie screwed up.. dont want to talk about it le.. gonna be late k.. supposed to meet lee at 9.. ya.. great.. parents not home from their wonderful fcuked up jog yet.. shit.. nvm.. gonna go for chalet later.. tired now like no hell k.. talked on the phone with lee till 140 something. packed my bag till 310 something.. cool(: hahaha.. kk.. gtg le.. tataz.
there are many loopholes around here; 11/04/2003 07:58:00 AM
Sunday, November 02, 2003
erm.. breakfast at smu.. morning everybody bad-mooding.. tuition at 11.. went to paragon to popular to topshop after 1.. er.. went downtown east to book e chalet.. back home.. dad went wrong way.. went all the way to changi airport.. then to suntec then home.. nothing fascinating la.. its just BORING|: erm.. dinner at jacksplace.. mum have a blardie new phone!! its e 1 with e pda de.. does kind you gotta use e pen to write on e phone to get e word u want! i think its a 6108.. ya.. coloured k.. and she told me that i canonly get my phone nxt july. sickenning or what lor.. sigh..
there are many loopholes around here; 11/02/2003 09:47:00 PM
Saturday, November 01, 2003
I reach out for a hand,
there are many loopholes around here; 11/01/2003 08:31:00 PM
I was alone, nobody cared.
there are many loopholes around here; 11/01/2003 07:52:00 PM
[ifcryingdayandnightreallyhelpsme.iwonderwhymyeyeballshaventdroppedoutyet.
lifehadbeenlikethatfordontknowhowlongle.idontevenknowwhyimustforgether.
itsconfusing.damnconfusing.imean.sheisnotmy[her]atall.
why?!damnla.ohya.ijustremembered.causeimtotallyinvisibleinherlife.totallyinvisble.
itotallyunderstand.yup.ido='(]
reached school at 8. erm.. started trng.. warm-up was running to tanglin then back. its ok la. erm.. then.. did ball drills.. den at arnd 10++ went to parade square.started playing this betting game. fun(: erm.. went to mpr to put our stuff down.. rested for quite a while.lunch at 11++ den back to mpr again. rested again. erm.. played games while some of e sec3s were prepring the treasure hunt game. hmm.. treasure hunt was really.. erm.. donno how to say.. they tied us together with strings. not on hand or legs but the inside of shirts(: funny(: then started playing. we lost. haha.. got bombed. but riana was standing in front of me.. so i didnt get it. only half my body got it. hmm.. erm.. team bonding games.. funfun. den went back to mpr. more games. have this "believe in yourself thing." yup.. den sec1s went to bathe. the seniors were discussing bout some stuff then they played games while we go get ready the bbq.. cant find the starter lor.. so started like 1 hr later.. the ncc people lend us de-winks- yup.. bbq till bout 10++ had this secret number thing. all ended bout 11++ e seniors went to bathe. we get ready to sleep. erm.. slept very early.. 12++ going to 1. sigh..cos i slept like 3++the night before(:
today
erm.. woke up bout 6 cos donno whos hp keep ringing.. yup.. was half-asleep. den had breakfast went to clean the pit. then had trng. trng was slack yup. ended 1 hr earlier. played bball den the other 2 teams played netball.. den end le. went home. then went back to school. waited for lee and pam. went town. then the both of them decided to go somewhere., didnt follow. rotted alone.. till bout 3+ met small sis at heeren. ate at yoshi. went to take np.these few bitches were totally irritating. so i f-ed them quite a number of times. went to toilet came back. sis did nt manage to finish doing the design thing. so i wrote words on 2.. only. ok. lame. then came home le.
[walkingcorpse.aliveagain.oncedead.isstilldead.]
[ifonlymylifewouldbebetter.theniwouldntneedtocrydayandnight.
sigh.ifonlyforgettingiseasierthanhatingsomeoneyouknowwho
willnevercareforyou.yup.ifonlyallthiswillcometrue.]
Walk in a corner shop
See a shoplifting cop
See the old lady with a gun
See the hero try to run
Nothing's what it seems, I mean
It's not all dirty, but it's not all clean
There's children paying bills
There's monks buying thrills
There's pride for sale in magazines
There's pills for rent to make you clean
Marvin Gaye, there's no brother, brother
Woody Guthrie's land can't feed Mother
-chorus-
Mothers weep, children sleep
So much violence ends in silence
It's a shame there's no one to blame
For all the pain that life brings
If you will just take me It might just complete me
And together we can make a stand
A waitress brings me lunch
We meet but do not touch
On TV, D.C. is selling lies
While in the corner, King's dream dies
Go to the counter, pay for me and my friend
A homeless man pulls out a roll, says it's on him
The mayor has no cash
He said he spent it on hookers and hash
-chorus-
you will love me, I will love you
-chorus-
[ifbeinginvisibleiswhatiamtoyou.thenithinkitsreallyhopelessformetostayonlikethis.
causethatiswhatiam.invisibletoallofyou.
imaginghowlifewouldbebeinginvisible.
sad.lonely.quiet.peace[?!](nope)
lifewouldbemeaninglessifpeopletreatsyouasifyourenotthere.]
[whyhidethetruthfrommewhenimright?why?
whyletthewholeworldknowexceptme?why?
whateverishallnotjumpintoyourprivate&confidentialproblems anymore.]
[ifyoucontinuetodoit.iwilltoo.youstabistabtoo.untilyoustop.theniwilltoo.
cayseitsjuststupidofyoutodoit.tostabitsnotagreatthing.butiwilldoitwithyou.
causeyouremysisterandiwontletyouhurtyourselfunlessimwithyou.
youtoldmetostopandialmostsuccededindoingso.butyou?youdidnt.
youhadnorightstotellmenottodoitwhenyouyourselfisdoingthesame.
icut.notstab.butyou.youstabnotcut.sonow.imstabing.andimserious.
idontcareaboutendingupinthehospital.orendingupatthepsychaitrists.
butalliwantisyou.tostopstabbingyourself.please.ibegyou.stopstabbingk.
causeicare.everybodycares.loveyou.takecare]
[ifthefactisalreadythat.whatcanidotochangethefactthatiwasntthere?
ifthingsaremeanttobelikethat.whatcanido?
ifiweretobeblamedforeverything. icantdefendmyselfwiththetruth.
whatcanidotochangethisfacts?
what?imjustinvisble.cantyousee.
whatcanidoright.iminvisbleyoucantseemebuticanseeyou.
ijustcantchangethefactthatiwasntthere.atall]
[iflifeisallaboutlivingforthesakeofliving..
thenwhyshouldistayalive?
iflifeisallaboutlovingpeopleandnotbeinglovedback.
thenwhatsthepointofhavingthislife?
sigh.ifonlythingswouldntbethisway.
lotsofpeoplegoingleavinggettingoutofsight.sigh]
[ifyoutriedcaring.whydidntifeelit?areallthislies?
whymustibehiddenfromthetruthallthtime?
ifthisiswhatitissupposetobe.i'llgrantthiswishofwhoever's.
causeihavegivenuponmyselfle.andibetyouhavegivenuponmetoo.
imsorry.irwallyam.idontwanttohurtyou.iwantyoutobehappy.
imlousy.cantbeguainuer.nvm.iknowwhattodole.
illforgetthemomentsde.]
[imsupposetobealonecosimfatedtobealoner.
whysaythatyoubotherwhenyoudont.
iknowyouhateme.dontneedtoseeicantellk.
youarepraticallydaoingmelikeitsmyfault.
imfinewithitnoe.cositismyfault.ishouldnthavedonesuchthings.buthey.
ihavenochoice.ilayedmyhandsononecosmymaidboughtone.
imtemptedk.ihadnochoice.lookatthemillionsofproblemsihavecausemyself.
lookatit.sighsorry]
[thankew(:].. er.. damn reached home.. damn depressed now? hah.. i donno.
[youallcangoaheadandleavemealonela.imborntobelikethatwhat.whatcanidoright.
lifejustisntgoingthewayitiswhat.ijustgottoacceptthefactthatitslikethat.
soyar..leavemealonela.imtotallyfinewithitk.leavemealonetorotinhellosocan.
mylifeisjustlikethatwhat.wholedaysupposetobeleftalonede.yup.letbelor..
leavemealonela.imalonerman.yup.yesiam.]
extraction from dotdotdots
[whensomeoneisinpain.allthatpersonwantsistheirclosesttotellthem
thattheyaresave.verysave.
whensomeoneiscrying.allthatpersonwantsistheirclosesttoholdher
closetothem. totellherthatsheissaveintheirarms]
isitthatdifficulttofulfillthisrequest?!
sigh[ificouldhaveonelastwish.iwishtobedead.soiwouldntsuffersomuchpainindarkness
andinsilence.soiwouldntbringsomuchmiserytoeverybody]
[guess i was dreaming today.cause that will never come true. i can only dream.. cause my dreams never come true.nobodyevercared]
great.. think about what? sigh..
dontcrymydear.ithurtstoknowthatyourecrying.
cheerup.letthepastbepast.letthememoriesbememories..
whathashappenisovernow.planyourfuture.letitbeit.
maybeshewasreallyangry.maybeshewasjustupset.
maybeshetookthingsseriously.whoknowsright..cheerup k..
i'llbeyourmoonduringyourdarkesthours.
rememberthat.dontthinkimlying.
illflytorescueyounomatterwhat.evenifiminthenorthpole..
sohey..cheerup..youstillhaveme(:
maybetalkthingsoutwithher..getthetruthoutofherforonce.
sortoutallthemisunderstandings.thingswillturnoutfine(:
trustme*hugs*
[shouldiletgoofyou?shouldiletgoofallofyou?
doyouknowthati'vebeenhurtsomanytimes?butnobodyseemstocarekay.
maybeitsme..maybei'mtheoneatfault.that'swhynobodybothers.
butdoyouknowitreallyhurts?sigh..whatcanido?everybodyislikeavoidingme?!noidea.butithurts.
i'mliketalkingtothewall..thefloor..theceling..thesky..mostofthetime..
irathernottalk.butifidon't.i'llcry.idon'twanttocry.sigh..
ihurtstoknowthatleeisleaving.notstayinglikeshetoldme.
whoshouldibelieve?whatshouldido?confusionconfusion.
imlikelostandconfused.notonlythatkay..
idontevenknowwhoireallylike..
imlike..sigh..ilovemom..butsheseemtoavoidme.
thesedayswetotallynevertalktoeachother..
ithoughtoflotsofthings.criedsomanytimes.sigh..
myeyesarelikedroppingle..keptcrying..haiz...nvm..
nobodyunderstandsmek.tellmethattheycare.
whethertheyaretellingthetruthornot.idonno.coswhoknows.
whentheysaytheytried.itdoesntcomefromtheheart.
iwantlovetocomestraightfromtheheart.
iwantittobetrue.iwanttofeelit.iwanthugswhichcomesfromtheheart.
sigh.iloveyoupeople.butidontfeelitwhenyousayyoulovemetoo.
irathertobelovedthentolove.maybei'lllove.butiwanttobelovedback.
ilovedalot.icantell..causeiamme.trustme.iputalotofloveinyoupeople.
doyou?didyou?orisitjustforshow?sigh
tuesdae
went to school to meet lee.started rotting and all.. er.. then walked arnd.. started crying cos i think too much le.. er.. walked arnd again.. went to e classroom.. den went to meet judy. went to pasir ris. waited for mum. she checked in for us.. treated us burger king(: er.. all of em went bowling. i stayed in the room with judy. started packing the place. went to swing. walked around. then went back to e chalet to sleep(: yujia woke me up|:
then i woke judy up.. realised that it was false alarm =\.. haha.. er.. bernice and yujia came.. they started doing donno what crap to the TV.. den it worked=)yup.. er.. parents came with dinner.. yup.. den after dinner went to swing alone.. went back to the room.. all of us sent rebecca home.. started talking bout some ghost story stuff..freaked ourseves k.. er.. ya.. went back to e room again..then yujia pulled me out.. around 10-11pm.. yup.. started talking and talking.. den walked arnd.. went to swing and blah.. den talked.. till about 1 or 2?
yesterday
haha.. i donno... played cards with the rest.. played till 230 something.. all of them wanted to sleep.. so went to the toilet to read e bible. read it till 5 something.. wanted to slp k.. no place.. den weelin gave me space.. so i slept on qixin's leg after donno how long of staring at space.. slept till 9.. they woke me up..slept again.. then woke up at 1.
erm.. played cards with yujia and bernice.. they were doing some black magic.. wah.. totally unbelievable.. hurhur.. er.. left at 4 something with yj and ber.. took train from pasir ris to clementi leh.. you tell me can die anot.. after tuition.. rushed home..bathed then went back to e chalet.. carolyn came over.. sister came along.. yup.. went to buy toothbrush?! ya.. hahaa.. sat at bk.. till donno what crap time.. mad,carolyn,bernice,sis were playing with ice.. ran arnd the whole place.. then played lots of things.. carolyn was damn crappy..yup..slept at around 3 someting.. madeleine damn funny.. yup..
today
woke up at 615.. started waking all of em up.. but they dowan.. so slept somemore.. den sis woke all of us.. started rushing like siao.. carolyn and that bernice funny like donno what.. donno whether got scolded or not.. hahaha.. had trng.. den went to yoshi.. er.. went to RG.. den home.. slept at 5 something till 9++.. ya.. kk.. gtg .
But there is nothing there to hold.
I reach up for a hug,
But there is nothing there to grasp.
I look around,
People walk by me everywhere;
But somehow i am still alone.
I feel this pain in my chest,
And i hear a sound;
Like something crashed to the floor.
I look down and I see my heart,
Shattered like glass.
I fall to my knees;
Yet still no one sees.
I fall to the floor,
In a puddle of blood,
And a river of tear.
And what just happened,
Me loosing my life;
Is all that i ever feared.
Had no one to comfort me when I was scared.
Everybody always stabbed me in the back,
Self confidence is what I lacked.
Why must everybody always doubt me?
The world would be better off without me.